Never alone

I know that I am never alone thru this journey I am on. I always have the Lords guidance and strength to lean on. I don't have doubt about my relationship with him and the changes that have taken place since the day I accepted him into my life.

While I continue to walk at the Lords side, I am also having to admit that I need some outside help too. I can not carry the gravity of my loss and continue to support others without it. I am not ashamed or regretful to admit it. I'm taking steps to help myself before my relationships/health/mind become truly affected by my denial.

I chose to leave my marriage because I was miserable and unhappy. If I wanted to continue to live that way, I should have stayed in it. You don't leave misery to live with misery. I need to remember that this is my second chance...I need to get my ass in gear and make the most of it. So I'm stepping up and "investing" in my future...one day at a time with baby steps.

Continue to pray for myself and my family. We are all still healing.

faith patience and hope.....all will be good in the end.

I really miss you dad.

A beautiful day

We are having such a beautiful day today.  I almost feel bad for enjoying it, as other parts of the country are being hit with such devastating weather.  I'm grateful and blessed to be sitting out on a bench wearing a tank top and shorts in 79 degree weather. 

The past 2 weeks have been mentally hard for me.  I remind myself what is important in life and i know what those things are.   But at times I still find myself struggling to accept what has taken place and continues to in my life.  Everyday I ask for guidance and patience from the Lord .  He always answers my prayers.  I'm fortunate to have him to turn to at all times of the day.  He never disappoints or judges.  Accepts me for the imperfect person that I am and loves me unconditionally.  I have learned a lot the past 9 months of my life.  Thank You for the lessons learned.

Happy 49th anniversary to my mom and dad.  I know she misses him greatly.  I pray that the Lord will help her through this.  He ultimately is the only one who can. 

I miss you dad.

faith, patience and hope....all will be good in the end.

10 weeks later

  My life has changed many ways since 2011 arrived.  Many different ways than I originally thought they would, and all out of my control.  So here we are 10 weeks since the passing of my dad.  Realizing that time heals in a slow way.  My mom and I talk about my dad, as do my daughter and I.  Same things are said in different conversations....that we really miss him.  My mom is adjusting to losing the love of her life, her companion and longtime best friend.  My daughter and I are adjusting to losing our dad/poppy who we assumed would be around for a much longer time.  We took for granted our time with him and lessons he taught us. 

I wish he could physically see the changes my life has gone through the past 10 weeks.  I'm sure he would be proud and relieved at the way I have handled myself and the outcome of decisions I have made.  I hope I have made him smile his "squinty smile" as he watches over the 11 of us from the heavens above.

This past week I closed escrow on the house that I owned with my estranged husband.  It was a big relief to finally have it close and be done with that portion of my divorce.  I'm grateful for the outcome and for chosing to do what's right.  Again I was reminded that the best blessings in life, are things that  you can't put a price tag on, because they are just priceless. 

I'm thankful for my relationship with the Lord.  I'm grateful for the family I have and for the people in my life.  I'm ready to move on and start finding out who I am and what I'm made of.  I want to blossom to the person I am destined to be. 

I love and miss you dad. 

faith, patience and hope....all will be good in the end.

Happy Birthday dad

Today would have been my dad's 77th birthday.  I wish he were here to celebrate with us.  We went to lunch to acknowledge his day.  My lil ms. b kept saying...today's poppy's birthday.  Poppy's party.  She is the cutest thing and she kept us smiling and laughing with her cute lil girl antics.   My dad was with us in spirit and I know he watches over us through the Lord.

Today has been a hard day for us and for me.  i will always look toward the Lord for his strength and comfort.  And encourage others to do so too.

Happy Birthday dad....We love and miss you. 

faith patience and hope...all will be good in the end.

coming up on 9 weeks

We are coming up on the 9 week mark that our patriarch passed away.  We tell each other..."one day at a time".  We are doing the best we can to adjust.  But I can see that when we truly look at each other, we are all missing my dad.  We have an emptiness in our eyes and hearts.  We are all trying to be strong and know that only time....along with the Lord,  will eventually heal us.

My mom and I survived our trip to Hawaii. We saw a rainbow almost everyday of our trip.  We stayed busy and really kept each other occupied.  We both are very strong women and we feed off each other when one is feeling down.  We will continue to move forward and give our strength to my daughter and other family members who may need it too.

I am continuing to attend class every Friday.  I have moved into my own place and have my 2 dogs with  me.  My oldest son has chosen to not move with me at this time.  He feels his time right now is to be spent with my mom, and continue to live with her.  We are all very concerned for her and don't really feel shes ready to be by herself.  I'm proud of him to take on the responsibility to watch over her.  Not what a normal 23 year old would do.  I know my dad would be proud of him too.


faith patience and hope....all will be good in the end.

I miss my dad.

He's not coming home

It's been 4 weeks since my dad passed away. It's hard to put into words what the past 4 weeks have been like. Shock for the most part. Then busy preparing for his service, while still being in shock. Visiting with out-of-town relatives and eating a lot. I think we ate, to comfort ourselves from grief. Then relatives left and we said our goodbyes...to them and to my dad. And all the while, It never really felt like my dad had died. I felt like he was on one of his 3 week long trips to Hawaii and would be returning soon.

Well...I realized today, after booking a trip for my mom and I to go to Hawaii, that my dad is not coming home. He's passed on. It is finally hitting me that I have lost my father and I truly miss him. This trip to Hawaii is going to be a hard one for my mom and I. We will be returning to the condo they own, to take care of a few things. It's going be heartwrenching for her to return to a place that she and my dad spent a lot of time at. Many happy times and good memories. I will continue to support her and give her the strength she needs to make it through this trip. I will in turn, get my strength from the Lord, who has been carrying me without fail, through this tragic time. He continues to answer my prayers and to teach me about patience. I will continue to rely on him fully for my everyday prayers and needs.

Please pray for my mom and I, as we take this trip. Pray that we remember happier times, more so than sadder times.

I miss my dad more than words can say. I realize now he's not coming home and I am starting to feel the grieving process coming my way. I hope I can still be of comfort and strength to my mom as I now grieve for a man who made sure we knew the importance of family.


faith patience and hope...all will be good in the end

my dad

rest in peace dad. We love you.

faith patience and hope...all will be good in the end.