Happy Birthday my lil miss b!

Today is my granddaughter's birthday.  She is turning 2.  It's unbelievable that she entered our lives 2 years ago.  B has brought me so much joy in my life and i love her more than anything.   i'm grateful that i am able to see her grow up and learn new things.  I am grateful to hear her speak and teach me her own lil language.  Words she makes up on her own to the sounds of things.  How she changed my chosen name of gma...to mimi.  It took me a few months to decide on what my special lil girl would call me.  She changed it the minute she could start to speak....and i became mimi.  My miss b has a mind of her own and a very smart one too.  It's incredible the way this lil girl can take over your life and your heart to no end.

I love you B.  You will always be mimi's lil girl. 

faith patience and hope....all will be good in the end.

p.s.  you are 2...not tee (3).

Congratulations SIL

A quick post to congratulate my son-in-law on his new job offer. He was fortunate to have still had his previous job that he enjoyed, but he didn't have job security. And when your raising a family on 1 income, that is extremely important. He My daughter started sending out his resume about a year and a half ago, to various companies. Well...let me tell you, the job market is a tough one. Hundreds of applicants for 1 job. They even looked at a couple of jobs out of state. Which would have tore me apart to have them move away. BUT...again, the Lord has been watching over us and he waited for the right job to come along for him. Not only is the the job closer for him by 30ish miles (one way), but it's with a bigger company AND he got a substantial pay raise. Which means my daughter will not have to go out of the house to look for a job. She can continue to be a stay at home mom and focus on raising my beautiful granddaughter.  M is a very hard worker and will do anything asked of him.  I'm proud of his accomplishments.

God Bless them and thank you Lord for answering another of my prayers

Congratulations M!

faith patience and hope.....all will be good in the end

changes going on

My head is spinning and I'm a lil in shock.  I'm not sure why i am feeling this way, since i truly believe that the Lord answers.  If i didn't before, i wont question it now.

I have been praying for months now about certain situations in my life, waiting for some kind of sign or message to be delivered.  This past week I got the answer to 4 major prayers with a lot of little ones mixed in.  How about that?

The first prayer was registering for class and returning to school.  I asked the Lord if this was the right decision for me and if it was to please make it possible.  After having a registration date, that was considered to be a late one by the counselor,  my 1 class i needed was open.  I became a college student.

The second prayer was for my dad to start feeling better.  He started taking some drops that helps put oxygen into his blood system.  By taking these, it helps out his heart and his energy level among other things.  He has seen a very slight improvement within a few days.  Very heart warming.

The third prayer was to get an apt that i was looking at since Monday.  I really haven't been vigilantly looking for a place, but the one I found seemed so perfect for me and the price was right up my alley.  i got news today, that the owners think i'm perfect for it and would be happy to rent to me.  This will be the first time in my life to be living on my own.  Even though it will be with my oldest son,  it is on my own...with a bodyguard.  (hehehehehe)

The last prayer answered is a very big one.  This one has to do with my youngest son.  My 21 year old that really has not found his way yet.  He is lost.... and his siblings and i feel the best thing that could happen to him was to go away to school.  Well, this past week a small college in Kansas contacted him and wants him to come for a visit and possibly stay to finish out their basketball season.  It's a small town, but something that i think would be good for Bo.  I love my son and like any other parent...only want the best for him.   I hope that there will be someone in his near future that can guide him on what his goals are.  I humbly say,  that i don't feel that i am that person at this time.  Good Luck Bo...you deserve a chance too.

Well...that has been my life the past week.  Big and small prayers answered....and a few more on deck.  I am really believing that 2011 is going to be a great year for my family and i.  We are on a road to recovery and healing.  We will celebrate this Christ-mas together and take on the New Year together.

I will continue to pray for everyone I know and those i don't and haven't met yet.  God is god and God is good.  He does answer.

faith patience and hope....all will be good in the end.

a college student....thats me!

Well, i am officially a college student again.  This is a BIG step for me to re-enter the college scene.  It's only 1 class, so i won't over dramatize it.  BUT...it is really a huge step forward for me.  I feel like answers that i have been looking for these past few months are being answered.  I am going to credit the Lord for showing me patience and being patient with me, until i finally realized that I do need him in my life.  For better or worse.  Not just in times of need.  For the most part, I feel a sense of peace within myself.  When I do start to feel a lil stressed or overwhelmed, I have a talk with him to bring me back to center point and he never disappoints.  It's a wonderful feeling.

Thank you for all my blessings....every single one of them. 

faith patience and hope....all will be good in the end.

my youngest son is 21

Today I met my youngest son for breakfast.  We celebrated his birthday at a local breakfast place and had yummy french toast and hash browns.  My two other children were there with ms. b and also my mom and dad.  We usually do dinner for birthdays, but i guess this just might be the year for full changes on every past tradition.  Which is just fine with me.  The Lord has new beginnings in store for me and I'll accept them with a positive attitude and no questions asked. 

I have asked the lord in prayer to keep my son safe and let him be smart with his new adult privileges.  I have full belief that he has heard my prayer and my son will be responsible with his actions. 

It's really hard to believe that my youngest is 21.  I can still remember when he was born as a preemie and weighed 6 lbs.  I could hold him in one hand, and the first 24 hours of his life were touch and go.  What I didn't realize, was that the Lord was with me then.  By my side looking over my lil one making sure he made it to this day.   I am grateful that "Bo" is still here with me, and that the Lord is too.

I am so appreciative for my blessings.  I will say a prayer tonight for all my family and friends, and those that I don't know and those I haven't met yet.

faith, patience and hope.....all will be good in the end.


p.s.  Happy Birthday son.  I love you so very much my bobo.

thanksgiving

Although I celebrate Thanksgiving every year, this year meant so much more to me and made me humble and grateful.  Not that i was never thankful before, but so much has happened in my life the past year that it shocked me into reality to realize what is really important in life.  It has nothing to do with money, even though the world is obsessed with it and is so necessary in every day life.  I have been made to realize what the true importance's are in my life, by rediscovering the Lord and accepting him into my life.  I am ashamed that the past years i have not fully given thanks for the simple blessings I had and took them for granted.  I am not perfect and I hope with my continuing guidance from the Lord, I will be more appreciative and grateful for the time i have on earth.  I will continue to strengthen my relationship with him whether I feel I need him in my life or not. 

So this Thanksgiving was a very emotional one for me and I hope I never fall back into the way I celebrated this day before.  My life is truly a blessing.

faith patience and hope.....all will be good in the end.

p.s. my daughter made the best Thanksgiving dinner....thank you honey.

out early

I'm home from my short day in court.   It's the shortest one that I have had so far.  Maybe because the other side didn't show up.  But a ruling was made in my favor, so there really is nothing to complain about.  I have given my thanks to the Lord for the peace and courage he gave me while sitting there waiting.  I was at times so nervous that I thought I was going to throw up.  But I held the necklace, that my daughter gave to me to wear,  when i felt myself starting to get anxious. 

She handed me a box on Friday, that was supposed to be my Christmas present.  Inside it was a charm that is copper with the words..."Keep the faith" stamped on it.  I wear it on a black rope and it definitely helped me today.  Not that i was losing any faith at all, but to just remind me that the Lord is always with me.  I will continue to wear it and especially on my next court date that is scheduled for December 28th.

Thank you for all your prayers.


faith patience and hope......all will be good in the end.

morning of

I'm thankful to wake up to a crisp new morning.  I head into court in about 2 hours and I am ready for whatever takes place today. 

Just want to thank the Lord for the beautiful family I have and for all their support.  BUT....nothing is possible without the Lord.  So thank you for my blessings.

Last link torn......yay.

faith patience and hope.....all will be good in the end.

court date 3

Tomorrow morning I head back into court for the 3rd time.  I'm scheduled to be there from 8:30 - 4:30.  If nothing gets resolved tomorrow, then I'm really going to wonder whats going on with this court system we have.  I'm prepared as I can be, but there is no other preparation than just telling the plain truth.  Can't get slipped up and caught in any traps if the truth is told.  I plan on telling what is necessary to prove my side and receive what the Lord has for me.  I'm not planning or expecting anything in advance, just going in to know that things will be decided.  I'm again feeling at peace and just ready to be done with this portion of my life.  Great things lie ahead and I can't wait to see what's in store for me.

faith patience and hope....all will be good in the end

sleepover

Last night ms. b and I shared our first sleepover.  Her mom and dad went out with friends, so I started prepping her a couple days ago that she will be sleeping with mimi.  She did great.  My mom, dad and son helped watch the monkey cutie.  Everything went smooth.  That little girl can brighten any one's day.  I'm thankful for her being in my life.  I thank the Lord for her precious smiles and everything else she innocently gives us everyday.  Why cant we all stay so innocent and live life stress and problem free?  Isn't that the way the Lord intended?  We all just need to keep moving forward and live our lives to the fullest.  I just know that I have accepted the Lord in my life and will continue to enjoy his daily blessings.

faith patience and hope.....all will be good in the end.

a beautiful day

It is beautiful out today.  I went for an early morning walk and as i headed down the hill, I could see Catalina Island.  Awesome sight.  I feel very relieved today. Yesterday was a big hurdle in my divorce and it ended very quick and productive.  I thanked the lord for the outcome and the peace i felt after the deposition.  I am asking today that the negative thoughts stay away from my mind and that I continue to feel the peace and relief that i have been feeling.  I want to thank all my friends and family who say an extra prayer for me each and every day.  I would be no where with out them. 

faith patience and hope......all will be good in the end.

god, family, health and love

I need to start this post off by giving my thanks to the lord for the blessings i receive every day. 

1) I received some news today regarding the physical i had a few weeks back.  Nothing alarming, but some areas to work on.  I'm thankful that they are things that can be corrected with changes in eating and a few other tweeks.

2) I'm thankful for my family....even though it's hard to be living where i am.  But i at least have a roof over my head and a warm floor to sleep on.  Sometimes my dad can get a lil grumpy and take his frustrations out on people who didn't even cause them.  That's what happened tonight.  So i just try to bite my tongue and just remember that this is his house and I am a guest here.  I thank the lord he's still around to help me through this hard time in my life.

3) I'm thankful I have love in my life.  From my family and good friends.  Without it i would be struggling even more than i already do. 

I am learning that without these 4 important people/aspects in your life, you really don't have one.  You can take one without the other, but your life is really not complete.  To live fully, one must accept all 4.
Count your blessings daily.  I do.

faith patience and hope......all will be good in the end.

Family

Today my family and I took pictures at the San Juan Capistrano train station. There was 12 of us all together...my brother and his family, my mom and dad, my 3 kids and sil and ms. b.  My daughter arranged for this to take place and it turned out very nice. I'm excited to see the final pictures. The picture selection and the different group pictures was perfect. To see my mom and dad with all of their grandchildren reminds me again, that family is so very important in life. I also got to see my 3 beautiful children take their pictures together along with my sil and grandaughter. I love my kids very much..all equally, even though they are all so very different in their personalities. I'm counting my blessings tonight.

Thank you Lord for giving me an awesome and blessed day.

faith patience and hope...all will be good in the end.

7,13,17...more days to go.

The chain

Last week after my court date I made mention that I had 26 more days til my next day in court. My thoughts came out loud and one of them was that I should make a paper chain to tear a link off everyday, to get me through the next few weeks. I remember doing this in elementary school to count the days off til Christmas. Not that this court date is something of excitement for me, but I'm hoping it will bring me closer to the end of my divorce. So, the next day when I picked my mom up, I was so touched when she gave me a paper chain that she had made for me. It was made of perfect white rings and it put a huge smile on my face. My mom was my ride to court that day and she heard me say I wanted to have a paper chain. The kindergarten teacher that she is, kicked in and she went to work. She and my father have been a huge support for myself and my family. We would be lost without them. I thank them both for their unconditional love and support. And for the white paper chain. Tearing away...one link at a time.

faith patience and hope...all will be good in the end.

Living in limbo

I just spent my last night at my daughters house and will now be moving back to my parents house. Back to living in limbo and living out of boxes. No more comfy bed for me. It's back to sleeping on the ground and physical therapy. Since I started sleeping on the floor, my neck/shoulder issues have returned, which requires me to schedule some therapy sessions. I thought by now, I would be living in my own lil place. Sometimes no matter how hard you try and make things work, they just don't quite come together. But like I have said before, my life is in the Lord's hands and he is in control. I will just keep looking for the messages and await the outcome. I will continue to find the positive in every day, while I continue to smile more and worry less. Life is really good and I count my blessings.

faith patience and hope...all will be good in the end.

The day after

Today is the day after my second court date. The final outcome of yesterday was another postponement. It was a shock at first and then a lil hard to shake, but I overcame the feelings of dispair and realized that this is something that I must accept, with patience and faith. It is not my plan or on my time frame...it is all up to the lord. He is in control of my life and I must relinquish control to him. I'm finding this to be a very hard feat to do. But, everytime I do accomplish this, I realize it was the best outcome for me. I just need to keep focused on the end outcome, whatever that may be. I will just continue to be gracious and appreciative for my daily blessings.
I will continue to power forward and do what is necessary of me. I will try to smile more and worry less. I will not let this consume me, because then the other person wins. I will prevail and will wait for when that day comes. It will be awesome.

faith patience and hope..all will be good in the end.

p.s. Ms.b comes home tomorrow. Yay!!!

day 2 in court

It's the eve of my second court date.  I'm very relieved at the calmness and lack of anxiety that I am feeling.  I'm not gonna lie,  I have been having to pray and speak to the lord quite a bit the last 5 days.  I just asked to take the negativity out of my mind and let me come to terms as to what will happen tomorrow.  I made sure he knows, that I am very gracious and thankful for the blessings I receive in my life every day.  I asked to feel his presence and peace within myself.  So, here I am...on the eve of day 2 in court, feeling very good and peaceful.  I know that there is a plan for me and I may not know what it is at this time, but my faith is in god and he always provides. 
I would never have made it this far without my family and friends too.  I thank everyone of you out there that have said a prayer for me or just given me kind words.  Your belief in me is incredible and I get courage and strength from many of you. 
I'm hoping this toxic divorce I'm in right now comes very close to an end tomorrow.  No relationship should have so much fighting and negativity in it. 
Please say a quick prayer for me tonight for a confident and prosperous day tomorrow.  God does listen.

faith patience and hope....all will be good in the end.


p.s.  I skyped with my ms. b and daughter today.  What a pleasant and beautiful sight to see them.  I love you both very much.

A whole lotta money

As you know I am going through a divorce. It has not been an easy one both emotionally and financially. The emotional part, I can now deal with. It's all about your frame of mind and putting your trust in god to know that everything has it's time. As I remind myself of this, I am able to be mentally stronger and accept what comes my way.  Except today....I was thrown for a loop on the financial end of this divorce.  I am already $15,000 into this divorce.  This money I have had to borrow from my parents.  Something that was very hard to do.  But they graciously gave it to me and told me to get on with my life.  Well, here we are months later and I am now being asked for another $15,000 from my lawyer.  This is money I don't have at this time.  I am struggling with what my options are. 
I have been praying for a message to come my way, to help put me at peace with what I need to do about this.  I have put my faith in god and I know he will answer.
I keep reminding myself that I have god, family friends and health.  And a bed to sleep in. : )   So whatever the outcome is, I will not let money rule my life.  I will keep powering forward and live my life to the fullest with a smile.

faith patience and hope....all will be good in the end.

p.s.  a kiss and hug from ms. b wouldn't hurt either.  I love and miss that lil girl.

back to school for this 45 yr old....

I have been thinking of different careers to enter into, as I begin the second part of my life.  Many professions have come to mind...Hairdresser, Realtor, Paralegal, bartender.  All sound fun...BUT in all reality I need something that I can use my already earned college credits towards.  So I got my transcripts from when I attended Cypress College, to become a Court Reporter.  I realized that I am 3 classes short from becoming a Scopist.  It's something that can be done from home and I can keep my current and exciting Videographers job.  YAY for me.  This really got me excited and I have an appointment set up with my counselor, so I can enroll in the Jan/2011 semester.  I am a lil nervous about going back to college after so many years, but I really feel this is the message sent to me as to the next step I need to take.
I'm thankful that I have this opportunity and am so close to finishing.   I really think that whether it is 3, 4, 8 or 10 classes, I need to step up and meet this challenge.  Not easy for this 45 year old, but I'm doing it and it's going to be with a spring in my step and a smile on my face.  Why?  Because I can and I am fortunate.  God, family, friends and health...it's all you need.

faith, patience and hope...all will be good in the end.

P.S.  i miss my ms. b

What's peoples problem?

Well...I'm feeling a lil fortunate since I have been able to stay at my daughters while she and my sil and ms. b are on vacation. I actually have a bed to sleep on..yay for me. For the past 6 weeks I have been sleeping on the floor at my parents, so this bed feels incredible.
As I'm enjoying this feeling of being fortunate, there are people out there that take their days and blessings for granted. Quit complaining and commenting about stuff that is really none of your business. Enjoy your time with family without putting others on edge. Maybe this could be a reason for the infrequent visits...hmmm there is a thought.

So you people out there who find it necessary to critique and point out others faults or shortcomings. Maybe you should sleep on a floor for 6 weeks to make you realize that little things like just a bed can make you happy. Be grateful people. And if you can't be, pray tonight cause I'll be praying for you too.

faith patience and hope...all will be good in the end.

lil bit of sadness

Tomorrow my daughter, sil and ms.b leave for their first vacation since ms. b was born.  I have never gone more than 2 days at the most, without seeing her precious face, since she entered this world.  She's 22 months old.  The thought of not seeing her for 12 days brings a pout to my face.  Not that I think she will forget her gma/mimi, but not to have those kisses and hugs from her and hear her call my name out makes me quite sad.
But...on the other hand, she is traveling to Hawaii to visit her grandma Lynn and grandpa Randy.  The last time GL and GR came to visit, ms. b was maybe 4 months old.  So, I am very happy that ms. b is going to meet her other grandma and grandpa and get to spend the time with them.
As bittersweet as it is to not be able to see ms. b for 12 days, she is at least going to be returning.  I feel a lil bit of sadness for any grandparents who are not around their grandchildren on a regular basis.

Again I am reminded how grateful I am to have god, family, friends and health in my life.  I hope you are too.

faith patience and hope...all will be good in the end.

Early morning

Random thoughts entering my mind, making me not able to sleep. I heard a song tonight that made some old and new memories come to mind. I realized time goes by so very fast and I want to enjoy this second part of my life to the fullest. I want to be able to sleep through the night. I want to be free of neck/shoulder issues due to the stress I'm under. I want to be able to have a bed to sleep in. There are many more things I woud like to be able to enjoy, but I know there is a time for everything. My time will come when it's meant. Right now as I lay awake, I am grateful and blessed to have god, family, friends and health.

faith patience and hope...all will be good in the end.

A smile

Today I am fortunate enough to have a job in Long Beach. When I get the call to work at this particular building, I start to worry about the parking. There is about 15 parking spots for a law firm that employs about 100 people. Parking must be found on the surrounding streets, sometimes blocks away. This definitely doesn't work for me since I have about 60lbs of equipment I have to pull. So..when I got the call two days ago about this job, I pushed the parking thought out of my mind. I decided to let it play out and see what happened when I pulled up to the building. YAY FOR ME, I pulled up and here is a parking spot right in front. No circling the blocks and no pulling my equipment for a few blocks. This has definitely started my day off with a smile. That and hearing this morning that 13 of the Chilean miners are out of the underground mine they have been stuck in.
I'm grateful for my life, no matter what gets thrown my way. With god, family and friends nothing else really matters. : )

faith patience and hope...all will be good in the end.

I'm thankful

I just want to say that I am fortunate and thankful for the life I have. I am surrounded by people who support me and would be there for me in an instant if needed. It has definitely been a couple hard days for me and I am constantly reminded that my life really could be worse. So I have been telling myself to smile more..be more positive and be happy. I need to continue to put my trust in god and know that everything will work out in his time and his way. Tomorrow will be a blessed and awesome day.

faith patience and hope...all will be good in the end.

another day

Today was a little bit of a struggle for me.  Although I was blessed with another day, a couple of events that took place today threw me for a loop.  Which then put me on the verge of tears for the most part of the day.
I have been living with my parents for a month now.  It's not the easiest situation, but at least my son and I have a roof over our head and our family around us.  We were only prepared to stay here for a week or two, and brought only enough clothes and necessities for that long.  Today I needed to go back to the house where my estranged husband and younger son are living, to pick up some things that were needed for our extended stay.  My son and I have a lil bit of a strained relationship right now and it breaks my heart when I think about it.  So having the both of us in the house at the same time was some what uncomfortable, to say the least.  So many things wanted to come out of my mouth for him to hear, but I bit my tongue and gathered what I needed and got the hell out of there as quickly as possible. 

I then went to go spend the day with a friend and found out, that because this friend is a part of my life, my estranged husband has continued to harass him and try to ruin him professionally and financially.  I can't even begin to describe the feelings that I felt after hearing this.

My mind has been racing for the most part of the day trying to put things in order and figure out the next best strategy.  My divorce is ugly and now it's turning dirty.  I just want this to end.  The fighting and disrespect that was present in our marriage has now poured over into our divorce.  How can someone want to fight so hard and think that maybe this is a way to save his marriage.  A marriage that he never was happy in to begin with. A marriage that was never fulfilling and enough for him.  A marriage that was considered by him as an investment.  What woman would want to stay and/or return to a marriage and man like that?

So here I am at the end of my day, reflecting on what took place today.  I am realizing that what I thought was huge drama and caused much anxiety for me, wasn't that devastating at all.  I'm still here. I still have my family, love and health in my life.  I have my precious ms. b.  What really more could I ask for.  I am grateful and I'm saying a prayer for Brian tonight and all those who may have not been so lucky today.


faith patience and hope......all will be good in the end.

gloomy morning

I woke up to an overcast and gloomy, wet morning.  Made it hard for me to get out of bed...i mean, off the floor where I sleep.  I heard the light rain falling and it made me snuggle even farther under the covers.  As I sit here writing this, it's coming down even harder.  But as gloomy and yucky it is outside, I am grateful to have been able to get off the floor to another blessed day.
My thoughts are going to something I saw a couple days ago as I drove down the hill after leaving my parents house.  It was a warmer morning, probably high 80's and getting warmer by the minute.  I was driving my mom's Tercel with the air-conditioning at full blast and I looked to the left and I saw a woman walking her 2 dogs down the hill. But what amazed me was that while she was walking her 2 German Shepards, she was also pulling her oxygen tank.  At that moment I felt a sense of gratefulness, sadness and the need to say a prayer.  That's exactly what I did.  I said a prayer for the woman who was walking her dogs....for giving her the strength to get up and do what is necessary in her day.  I asked for some of her strength and thanked the Lord for just giving me another day.
I also realized at that moment... Life goes on with or without us.  Hard times or the best of times.  We all have our issues to deal with.  Big or small.  We always think ours are the worst, but then if you really notice things around you and listen to what people are saying, your life isn't quite as bad you might have thought.
So instead of feeling gloomy cause it's raining outside, I'm going to put on my ass-kicking boots (actually my tennis shoes) and go for a short walk and enjoy what the day brings.  I will also go and visit my ms. b, because kisses and hugs from that lil girl can brighten any one's day. At least those who are lucky enough to have her in their life.  And I'm one of those people.

faith, patience and hope....all will be good in the end.

a great day

Today I went out to Oak Glen to pick apples and raspberries with my daughter her husband and ms. b.  I also took a very good friend of mine and we had a great time.  Days like this are needed time to time to make you realize that everything you are going through might not be as bad as you think, when the simple things in life can put a smile on your face.  It was a blessed and awesome day.

 faith, patience and hope....all will be good in the end.

faith, patience and hope

I'm 45 years old, a mother of 4 ( this includes my sil) and Mimi to a beautiful lil girl.  This blog will talk about different aspects of my life.   Maybe some will find a lot in common with me and maybe some wont find any at all.  Whatever it may be...it's my life and it's all real.  All I really want is for other woman and....men to know that they are not alone.  There is someone out there who is feeling and dealing with the same emotions and issues you are.  Don't give up.  Have faith, patience and hope...all will be good in the end.


more to come.