another day

Today was a little bit of a struggle for me.  Although I was blessed with another day, a couple of events that took place today threw me for a loop.  Which then put me on the verge of tears for the most part of the day.
I have been living with my parents for a month now.  It's not the easiest situation, but at least my son and I have a roof over our head and our family around us.  We were only prepared to stay here for a week or two, and brought only enough clothes and necessities for that long.  Today I needed to go back to the house where my estranged husband and younger son are living, to pick up some things that were needed for our extended stay.  My son and I have a lil bit of a strained relationship right now and it breaks my heart when I think about it.  So having the both of us in the house at the same time was some what uncomfortable, to say the least.  So many things wanted to come out of my mouth for him to hear, but I bit my tongue and gathered what I needed and got the hell out of there as quickly as possible. 

I then went to go spend the day with a friend and found out, that because this friend is a part of my life, my estranged husband has continued to harass him and try to ruin him professionally and financially.  I can't even begin to describe the feelings that I felt after hearing this.

My mind has been racing for the most part of the day trying to put things in order and figure out the next best strategy.  My divorce is ugly and now it's turning dirty.  I just want this to end.  The fighting and disrespect that was present in our marriage has now poured over into our divorce.  How can someone want to fight so hard and think that maybe this is a way to save his marriage.  A marriage that he never was happy in to begin with. A marriage that was never fulfilling and enough for him.  A marriage that was considered by him as an investment.  What woman would want to stay and/or return to a marriage and man like that?

So here I am at the end of my day, reflecting on what took place today.  I am realizing that what I thought was huge drama and caused much anxiety for me, wasn't that devastating at all.  I'm still here. I still have my family, love and health in my life.  I have my precious ms. b.  What really more could I ask for.  I am grateful and I'm saying a prayer for Brian tonight and all those who may have not been so lucky today.


faith patience and hope......all will be good in the end.