The day after

Today is the day after my second court date. The final outcome of yesterday was another postponement. It was a shock at first and then a lil hard to shake, but I overcame the feelings of dispair and realized that this is something that I must accept, with patience and faith. It is not my plan or on my time frame...it is all up to the lord. He is in control of my life and I must relinquish control to him. I'm finding this to be a very hard feat to do. But, everytime I do accomplish this, I realize it was the best outcome for me. I just need to keep focused on the end outcome, whatever that may be. I will just continue to be gracious and appreciative for my daily blessings.
I will continue to power forward and do what is necessary of me. I will try to smile more and worry less. I will not let this consume me, because then the other person wins. I will prevail and will wait for when that day comes. It will be awesome.

faith patience and hope..all will be good in the end.

p.s. Ms.b comes home tomorrow. Yay!!!

day 2 in court

It's the eve of my second court date.  I'm very relieved at the calmness and lack of anxiety that I am feeling.  I'm not gonna lie,  I have been having to pray and speak to the lord quite a bit the last 5 days.  I just asked to take the negativity out of my mind and let me come to terms as to what will happen tomorrow.  I made sure he knows, that I am very gracious and thankful for the blessings I receive in my life every day.  I asked to feel his presence and peace within myself.  So, here I am...on the eve of day 2 in court, feeling very good and peaceful.  I know that there is a plan for me and I may not know what it is at this time, but my faith is in god and he always provides. 
I would never have made it this far without my family and friends too.  I thank everyone of you out there that have said a prayer for me or just given me kind words.  Your belief in me is incredible and I get courage and strength from many of you. 
I'm hoping this toxic divorce I'm in right now comes very close to an end tomorrow.  No relationship should have so much fighting and negativity in it. 
Please say a quick prayer for me tonight for a confident and prosperous day tomorrow.  God does listen.

faith patience and hope....all will be good in the end.


p.s.  I skyped with my ms. b and daughter today.  What a pleasant and beautiful sight to see them.  I love you both very much.

A whole lotta money

As you know I am going through a divorce. It has not been an easy one both emotionally and financially. The emotional part, I can now deal with. It's all about your frame of mind and putting your trust in god to know that everything has it's time. As I remind myself of this, I am able to be mentally stronger and accept what comes my way.  Except today....I was thrown for a loop on the financial end of this divorce.  I am already $15,000 into this divorce.  This money I have had to borrow from my parents.  Something that was very hard to do.  But they graciously gave it to me and told me to get on with my life.  Well, here we are months later and I am now being asked for another $15,000 from my lawyer.  This is money I don't have at this time.  I am struggling with what my options are. 
I have been praying for a message to come my way, to help put me at peace with what I need to do about this.  I have put my faith in god and I know he will answer.
I keep reminding myself that I have god, family friends and health.  And a bed to sleep in. : )   So whatever the outcome is, I will not let money rule my life.  I will keep powering forward and live my life to the fullest with a smile.

faith patience and hope....all will be good in the end.

p.s.  a kiss and hug from ms. b wouldn't hurt either.  I love and miss that lil girl.

back to school for this 45 yr old....

I have been thinking of different careers to enter into, as I begin the second part of my life.  Many professions have come to mind...Hairdresser, Realtor, Paralegal, bartender.  All sound fun...BUT in all reality I need something that I can use my already earned college credits towards.  So I got my transcripts from when I attended Cypress College, to become a Court Reporter.  I realized that I am 3 classes short from becoming a Scopist.  It's something that can be done from home and I can keep my current and exciting Videographers job.  YAY for me.  This really got me excited and I have an appointment set up with my counselor, so I can enroll in the Jan/2011 semester.  I am a lil nervous about going back to college after so many years, but I really feel this is the message sent to me as to the next step I need to take.
I'm thankful that I have this opportunity and am so close to finishing.   I really think that whether it is 3, 4, 8 or 10 classes, I need to step up and meet this challenge.  Not easy for this 45 year old, but I'm doing it and it's going to be with a spring in my step and a smile on my face.  Why?  Because I can and I am fortunate.  God, family, friends and health...it's all you need.

faith, patience and hope...all will be good in the end.

P.S.  i miss my ms. b

What's peoples problem?

Well...I'm feeling a lil fortunate since I have been able to stay at my daughters while she and my sil and ms. b are on vacation. I actually have a bed to sleep on..yay for me. For the past 6 weeks I have been sleeping on the floor at my parents, so this bed feels incredible.
As I'm enjoying this feeling of being fortunate, there are people out there that take their days and blessings for granted. Quit complaining and commenting about stuff that is really none of your business. Enjoy your time with family without putting others on edge. Maybe this could be a reason for the infrequent visits...hmmm there is a thought.

So you people out there who find it necessary to critique and point out others faults or shortcomings. Maybe you should sleep on a floor for 6 weeks to make you realize that little things like just a bed can make you happy. Be grateful people. And if you can't be, pray tonight cause I'll be praying for you too.

faith patience and hope...all will be good in the end.

lil bit of sadness

Tomorrow my daughter, sil and ms.b leave for their first vacation since ms. b was born.  I have never gone more than 2 days at the most, without seeing her precious face, since she entered this world.  She's 22 months old.  The thought of not seeing her for 12 days brings a pout to my face.  Not that I think she will forget her gma/mimi, but not to have those kisses and hugs from her and hear her call my name out makes me quite sad.
But...on the other hand, she is traveling to Hawaii to visit her grandma Lynn and grandpa Randy.  The last time GL and GR came to visit, ms. b was maybe 4 months old.  So, I am very happy that ms. b is going to meet her other grandma and grandpa and get to spend the time with them.
As bittersweet as it is to not be able to see ms. b for 12 days, she is at least going to be returning.  I feel a lil bit of sadness for any grandparents who are not around their grandchildren on a regular basis.

Again I am reminded how grateful I am to have god, family, friends and health in my life.  I hope you are too.

faith patience and hope...all will be good in the end.

Early morning

Random thoughts entering my mind, making me not able to sleep. I heard a song tonight that made some old and new memories come to mind. I realized time goes by so very fast and I want to enjoy this second part of my life to the fullest. I want to be able to sleep through the night. I want to be free of neck/shoulder issues due to the stress I'm under. I want to be able to have a bed to sleep in. There are many more things I woud like to be able to enjoy, but I know there is a time for everything. My time will come when it's meant. Right now as I lay awake, I am grateful and blessed to have god, family, friends and health.

faith patience and hope...all will be good in the end.

A smile

Today I am fortunate enough to have a job in Long Beach. When I get the call to work at this particular building, I start to worry about the parking. There is about 15 parking spots for a law firm that employs about 100 people. Parking must be found on the surrounding streets, sometimes blocks away. This definitely doesn't work for me since I have about 60lbs of equipment I have to pull. So..when I got the call two days ago about this job, I pushed the parking thought out of my mind. I decided to let it play out and see what happened when I pulled up to the building. YAY FOR ME, I pulled up and here is a parking spot right in front. No circling the blocks and no pulling my equipment for a few blocks. This has definitely started my day off with a smile. That and hearing this morning that 13 of the Chilean miners are out of the underground mine they have been stuck in.
I'm grateful for my life, no matter what gets thrown my way. With god, family and friends nothing else really matters. : )

faith patience and hope...all will be good in the end.

I'm thankful

I just want to say that I am fortunate and thankful for the life I have. I am surrounded by people who support me and would be there for me in an instant if needed. It has definitely been a couple hard days for me and I am constantly reminded that my life really could be worse. So I have been telling myself to smile more..be more positive and be happy. I need to continue to put my trust in god and know that everything will work out in his time and his way. Tomorrow will be a blessed and awesome day.

faith patience and hope...all will be good in the end.

another day

Today was a little bit of a struggle for me.  Although I was blessed with another day, a couple of events that took place today threw me for a loop.  Which then put me on the verge of tears for the most part of the day.
I have been living with my parents for a month now.  It's not the easiest situation, but at least my son and I have a roof over our head and our family around us.  We were only prepared to stay here for a week or two, and brought only enough clothes and necessities for that long.  Today I needed to go back to the house where my estranged husband and younger son are living, to pick up some things that were needed for our extended stay.  My son and I have a lil bit of a strained relationship right now and it breaks my heart when I think about it.  So having the both of us in the house at the same time was some what uncomfortable, to say the least.  So many things wanted to come out of my mouth for him to hear, but I bit my tongue and gathered what I needed and got the hell out of there as quickly as possible. 

I then went to go spend the day with a friend and found out, that because this friend is a part of my life, my estranged husband has continued to harass him and try to ruin him professionally and financially.  I can't even begin to describe the feelings that I felt after hearing this.

My mind has been racing for the most part of the day trying to put things in order and figure out the next best strategy.  My divorce is ugly and now it's turning dirty.  I just want this to end.  The fighting and disrespect that was present in our marriage has now poured over into our divorce.  How can someone want to fight so hard and think that maybe this is a way to save his marriage.  A marriage that he never was happy in to begin with. A marriage that was never fulfilling and enough for him.  A marriage that was considered by him as an investment.  What woman would want to stay and/or return to a marriage and man like that?

So here I am at the end of my day, reflecting on what took place today.  I am realizing that what I thought was huge drama and caused much anxiety for me, wasn't that devastating at all.  I'm still here. I still have my family, love and health in my life.  I have my precious ms. b.  What really more could I ask for.  I am grateful and I'm saying a prayer for Brian tonight and all those who may have not been so lucky today.


faith patience and hope......all will be good in the end.

gloomy morning

I woke up to an overcast and gloomy, wet morning.  Made it hard for me to get out of bed...i mean, off the floor where I sleep.  I heard the light rain falling and it made me snuggle even farther under the covers.  As I sit here writing this, it's coming down even harder.  But as gloomy and yucky it is outside, I am grateful to have been able to get off the floor to another blessed day.
My thoughts are going to something I saw a couple days ago as I drove down the hill after leaving my parents house.  It was a warmer morning, probably high 80's and getting warmer by the minute.  I was driving my mom's Tercel with the air-conditioning at full blast and I looked to the left and I saw a woman walking her 2 dogs down the hill. But what amazed me was that while she was walking her 2 German Shepards, she was also pulling her oxygen tank.  At that moment I felt a sense of gratefulness, sadness and the need to say a prayer.  That's exactly what I did.  I said a prayer for the woman who was walking her dogs....for giving her the strength to get up and do what is necessary in her day.  I asked for some of her strength and thanked the Lord for just giving me another day.
I also realized at that moment... Life goes on with or without us.  Hard times or the best of times.  We all have our issues to deal with.  Big or small.  We always think ours are the worst, but then if you really notice things around you and listen to what people are saying, your life isn't quite as bad you might have thought.
So instead of feeling gloomy cause it's raining outside, I'm going to put on my ass-kicking boots (actually my tennis shoes) and go for a short walk and enjoy what the day brings.  I will also go and visit my ms. b, because kisses and hugs from that lil girl can brighten any one's day. At least those who are lucky enough to have her in their life.  And I'm one of those people.

faith, patience and hope....all will be good in the end.

a great day

Today I went out to Oak Glen to pick apples and raspberries with my daughter her husband and ms. b.  I also took a very good friend of mine and we had a great time.  Days like this are needed time to time to make you realize that everything you are going through might not be as bad as you think, when the simple things in life can put a smile on your face.  It was a blessed and awesome day.

 faith, patience and hope....all will be good in the end.

faith, patience and hope

I'm 45 years old, a mother of 4 ( this includes my sil) and Mimi to a beautiful lil girl.  This blog will talk about different aspects of my life.   Maybe some will find a lot in common with me and maybe some wont find any at all.  Whatever it may be...it's my life and it's all real.  All I really want is for other woman and....men to know that they are not alone.  There is someone out there who is feeling and dealing with the same emotions and issues you are.  Don't give up.  Have faith, patience and hope...all will be good in the end.


more to come.