my dad

rest in peace dad. We love you.

faith patience and hope...all will be good in the end.

The fighter my dad is

The last 6 days have been quite emotional and upheaving as one can imagine while dealing with the decline in a loved ones health. As posted before, we made the tough decision to put my dad on a ventilator, which in turn has probably saved his life. As the next couple of days unfolded, we saw him struggling when everyday procedures needed to be done on him. Sometimes having to see him try to gasp for air and calm down from anxiety for up to 50 mins. He was having to be sedated during these episodes to help calm him down. Which having him sedated the majority of the day was not what the dr wanted. So after speaking with my mom and brother, I expressed to the dr we wanted my dad to be as comfortable as possible and we would like him to have a traecheotomy. He would still need the ventilator, but no tubes in the mouth and down the throat. Just an incision under the Adams apple and a tube placed there. That was done last night...lil under 20 hours after asking the dr to do the procedure. Time is of the essence when going from ventilator to traech. There is a small window of opportunity, If my dad wasn't strong enough or the oxygen levels weren't right, he would have to be on the vent tubes for the rest of his life. When I heard this I knew that this was not an option for him. That if he were to get better, he would whether on vent tubes or traech.

So here we are the morning after, my dad looks tired, but he is back down to 70% oxygen and numbers are looking good. He's still sedated but at least we can see his face without tape and he can mouth words with his lips. I still have hope for my dad, but I am also facing reality. It's a fine line to balance, but the Lord is helping me through this. I may only have short time with my dad. I try to come to terms with this every minute of the day. But no matter the sorrow I feel, I'm here with him giving him everything I can to comfort and bring a smile to his face. I remind him he's raised a great family and that 11 of us are awaiting his recovery that may or may not come. I tell him to let me take care him as he has continued to take care of me, up to the very day of his coming to the hospital. I tell him that I love him and to rest and get strong. He is a fighter. He has amazed me at his strength and his honor to still have his main concern to be about my mom, first and foremost, and then his family. This is my dad...and I love him.

I continue to pray throughout the day to give thanks to the Lord. He is our savior and has listened to the prayers being said for my dad.

faith patience and hope...all will be good in the end.

fighting in 2 separate place

Today I will be fighting in court and my dad will be fighting in the hospital. Although I will be somewhere else, my thoughts will be constantly with him. Nothing at this time is consuming my thoughts more than my dad. He and the Lord will be what gets me through today.

I love you dad. Continue to fight and be strong.

faith patience and hope....all will be good in the end

p.s. Don't break our promise dad...I'll fight today if you continue to.

update on my dad

the hardest decision my family had to make in my dads care,  was the one that we believe has saved his life.  He is by no means out of the woods yet.  But if he would have stayed on the Bi Pap mask for oxygen, we probably would have lost him already.  By him being on the ventilator it has given his body  the rest it needed to heal and get strong.  He has had two good nights and the oxygen level that was at 90% yesterday is now down to 70% today.  The goal is to get it to 40%.  He has been taken of the dopamine and is on the strongest most potent antibiotic possible.  This is the medical version of why he is still here.

I believe that my dad is still with us because the Lord has listened and continues to listen to the many prayers that have been said for him.  Prayer groups were set up for him and many others continue to pray for him.  The Lord listens to those in need and answers.  My dad would not be here today and continue to improve without him.  I continue to pray that the Lord knows my dad is still needed on this earth and is not ready to take him.  I hope that this is just a strong wake up call from God,  for a very stubborn old man who wasn't seeing the Lord's messages to him before.  Whatever the outcome of this shocking and heart wrenching situation is,  I know the Lord is in my life and will continue to be.  He accepts unperfect me and is patient while i learn my lessons from him.

Please continue to pray for my dad and pray for those you dont know and haven't met yet.  There are may in the hospital who are in the same situation that my dad is in and dont have the support that he has.  I include those people, who are unknown to me, in my prayers too.

god is god,  god is good.

faith patience and hope....all will be good in the end.

p.s.  i love my dad and am not ready to lose him.

My dad

I'm sitting in the hospital as my dad is undergoing a procedure to be put on a ventilator. This has really come as a shock to us, since it was only mentioned to us today that there could be a chance this may happen. And next thing we know, I get a call at 10 pm this evening telling us that we needed to decide if this was something that could be done. It had to be decided before our 20 min drive over. That's how dire a situation it had become. So we made a decision and off to the hospital we went. After speaking with the dr....my brother, mom and I made the decision to have my dad go on a ventilator. We were told his chances of coming off were slim and he might not be going home. He just might be spending the remainder of his days in CCU.  But with even that information, we knew his poor frail body could no longer go on the way it was. He let my mom know he was not afraid and he told me he loved me and that I was his daughter. I hope that this will not be the last time I hear those words from him. I love my dad and I'm not ready to lose him. God knows this and I hope he doesn't take him from me. I have faith and believe that god is god and god is good.  I still believe this.

faith patience and hope....all will be good in the end.

Belated Happy New Year!

Well...4 days into the new year already.   Days and nights go by so fast.  Hope everyone had a safe and wonderful beginning to what's going to be a fantastic and liberating year.  

I started to move into my new little place today.  Moving things in slowly.  i am waiting to hear if i will be able to get into my old house and pick up some pieces of furniture.  But, i have decided that if i can't, my son and i will make do with what we have and can borrow and not let anyone rain on our move.  So air mattress here i come.

I am asking that anyone who reads this to please say a prayer for my dad.  He caught a cold that has been passed around our household since the week before Christmas.  He already has compromised lungs from pulmonary fibrosis, so this cold has left him struggling for air.  He has been prescribed antibiotics and has been put on oxygen by his lung specialist.  He has lost a significant amount of weight in the past few months.  He struggles for air, that we take for granted everyday.  It saddens me to see my dad's health declining.  So please remember him in your prayers.

With that being said...I will again thank the Lord for my blessings.   Every single one of them.  And most important for the relationship that I have with him. 

faith patience and hope...all will be good in the end.


p.s.  YAY!!!!    i'm moving into my own place.